Journey in His Grace[1]

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As early as I can recall, our family regularly attended weekly service with members of The Church of God in Jesus Christ – a non-denominational Christian assembly that was composed largely of the same body of believers.  My parents were called of God to the Ministry and were devout Christians that adhered to the scripture to bring their children up in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).”

The earliest heartfelt evangelical experience I remember was during an altar call.  In hearing the songs and spiritual urging of the ministers, tears streamed down our faces (me and others).  Afterward, my parents inquired regarding the reason for crying.  I really didn’t have an answer for them at the time not being able to explain or articulate how the poignant atmosphere of sincere song and invitational urging was so stirring.  Although I didn’t comprehend the overall extent of what was happening, I already knew that it was a vital matter to be “saved” and pertained to my long-term well-being.  We had always been taught that through repentance to God, one can be saved from their sins and the “lake of fire and brimstone” by Jesus Christ.  Such an experience was always termed as “conversion.”

Sometime around the age of ten (10), after shedding tears during an assembly, and asking the Lord to "have mercy upon me a sinner," I indicated that I had been converted.  Shortly thereafter, I was baptized in Jesus name (Acts 2:38) for the remission of my sins.  Although I recall experiencing a sense of feeling clear within, I still could not elaborate much further on exactly what all of it meant.  For a short time thereafter, I attended church service as a “saint,” but ultimately drifted away and loss interest in participating.

One summer, my family took a trip by car headed to my Father’s birthplace.  I was around the age of twelve (12) at the time and rode in the rear of the station wagon along with a family member and the ice chest.  Upon crossing into Arizona, night had fallen and while traveling in the fast lane, one of the tires suddenly blew out resulting in a dreadful role-over accident.  Fortunately, the vehicle righted itself on the final roll allowing everyone to ultimately exit.  My Father and Mother assisted the most severely injured.  I recall hitting my head and seeing a flash of light (knocked briefly unconscious).  I also remember receiving assistance from someone who said that he and a companion saw vehicle lights some distance off the highway - although they did not witness the accident.  It was he who went and phoned the paramedics for us.  How blessed we were that they stopped and came to our aid.  Needless to say, God’s hand of mercy was very much evident that night.

While we waited in the desert under the night sky for medical aid, I laid on the luggage carrier that had been thrown from the top rack of the vehicle.  My Father came over and I let him know of my head injury.  He then prayed and instructed me to only believe as he always taught me.  This was a very emotional experience where I felt pure repentance tears and experienced a more defined clear feeling in the Lord.  I had been renewed in the faith.  My Father, being a man with spiritual discernment, was very aware of that moment and knew that I was “renewed” in the Lord.  However, upon returning to California we stayed briefly at a relative’s home and while I was eating a pork chop sitting on a couch next to an unsaved cousin (my same age), one of the Church Elders asked about someone being renewed in the faith and whether that was me.  With most eyes in the room on me at that instant, feeling ashamed I said “no.”  What a sell-out moment!  I had regrettably denied the Lord.  Needless to say, I went on to experience a very frustrating adolescence period and early teenage life.

Fast forward to my final semester of college and closing in on my twenty-second (22nd) birthday.  Ever since my junior year in high school, I was blessed to have a well-paying job at a supermarket.  This enabled me to have a reliable car along with money in the bank.  Also, a couple of years earlier, I had pledged a fraternity, which resulted in the addition of new friends and acquaintances.  So, with a Bachelors' degree in sight, all seemed to be well in my life.  However, I began to distinctly feel something gapingly missing within, a chasm of sorts that couldn’t be filled with material goods, relationships, or any level of education.

One day while sitting on the side of my girlfriend’s bed, I tried to explain the emptiness of it all to her and plainly stated “this doesn’t mean anything anymore”.  Well, she didn’t understand the desperate emptiness I felt and neither of us was at a point of understanding how a life of sin could never satisfy the need of the human soul.

One night, I remember thinking more on all of this and immediately recalled (by His grace) denying the Lord after the auto accident and the actual feeling of that time.  At that instant, I said out loud that I was sorry and again began to weep and momentarily felt his sweet wonderful presence.  At exactly the same time though, the thought came to me that “now you’ll have to acknowledge this to your parents, attend church, and live like a saint, etc.”  So I listened to the enemy, which cut short that sweet presence and (again) I turned away from such a wonderful moment and went to sleep.  Not long after this though, I was speaking with my Father one morning, and broke down and began to weep.  He prayed at the same time and wow, did I feel relief!  It seemed I had been fighting against such goodness and holy calling and it was such a restful state to be back where I belonged, and also to experience that clear peaceful feeling.  What refreshment!  How wonderful in the book of Matthew where Jesus says:

 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:  and ye shall find rest unto your souls (Mt. 11:28)."

So at the age of twenty-two (22), I began again attending church service.  I had also graduated from school, but the spiritual battle also began.  And regretfully, I gave in to my own way and desire.  How unfortunate for me not to have known the true value of holding on at that time.  I remember distinctly and clearly the heart-hurt the moment I fell into fornication with my girlfriend.  How very sad to convey.

Around the time of my twenty-third (23) birthday, I began again to long for spiritual fulfillment.  One Sunday morning, my Mother invited me to go on a church group outing.  These were yearly group trips to the beach and or a local park, which usually occurred during the summer.  However, the members would all first meet at the assembly building, have prayer, and then travel by caravan to the venue.

I sat in the back of the assembly that morning (as is often the case when attempting to escape attention and accompanying guilt).  Well, why did I want to do that?  You see, the Church Apostle (and my Aunt) sat in the furthest rear sit just behind me.  (I don’t know the reason why, but I came to know later that was her chosen station.)  A song began entitled “Yield not to Temptation,” and the Chorus is:

“Ask the savior to help you, comfort strengthen and keep you, he is willing to aid you he will carry you through.”    

Many in the church would add with emphasis the words “you just” to the beginning of the chorus, and the Saint behind me was no exception.  As a matter of fact, each time she would say “you just ask, the savior …,” it seemed like she both tapped her leg with her hand and stamped her foot.  All of this was so stirring because I felt like she was speaking directly to my heart with every “you just ask.”   After the song, one of the Bishops rose and asked that we all read Psalm 27.  So I gingerly rose and we began reading.  The words of that Psalm entered so directly into my heart and soul, and spoke to me so profoundly, that I just broke down back into my seat and wept.  Again, sore needed relief!  The saints were so lovingly accepting of me and welcomed me with open arms.  We all then went on the group trip that day.  But I tell you the truth, I still felt hurt and guilt over having left the Lord the last time and treading over such wonderful grace and goodness.  Nevertheless, I determined within myself to not leave the Lord again.  [maybe I stopped kicking against the pricks (Acts 9:5)].  Almost two months later, during a Sunday service, and after a joyful song was sung, I received the gift of the Holy Ghost through the laying on of hands.  What a mighty experience floating down under the hand of God and actually hearing myself speak in other tongues as directed solely by the Spirit.  I now received wonderful power from on high (I Pet. 1:12; Jn. 15:26).  Now I was better armed and truly on my way!  During the very next assembly, I recall vividly hearing the Word preached from the fifth and sixth chapters of the book of Romans.  It was simply and utterly magical and such a refreshment.  At that point in my life, I regularly attended services.  Early on, though, I was hit with a battle that I wouldn’t acknowledge the reality of.  That is, in my mind and heart I was being accosted by the enemy, but I dealt with it from a human perspective thinking "what is happening and why"?  I didn’t have a clear understanding on what being a Christian entailed.  That it was not:

§  You’re saved now and you can live life without any problems.

§  Christ is just an addition to your life to make your existence here more pleasant.

§  Be ready and serious in attending church on Sunday and then generally not  consistently pray or commune with God for most of the remainder of the week.

§  Just stay away from fornication and using profanity and you’re okay (i.e., works oriented salvation).

Under these and other types of misconceptions, I wasn’t daily pressing forward in the Lord in a way that yields understanding and increase in the knowledge of God.  So, being essentially stagnant, I was not enjoying Christianity or growth.  An Evangelist took specific note of my struggles and even provided me with hand written scriptures on the matter of understanding.  How dear and loving an act it was that she demonstrated.  However, it wasn’t until around the age of thirty-two that I began to become more awakened to the beauty of the Lord.  And at the same time I experienced the joy of reading words in scripture which described the priceless value of knowledge and understanding I started to experience.  Enlightenment in the knowledge of God is soo very wonderful and undergirds life with such real purpose and meaning.  At that time, I could look back on the list that the Evangelist drafted and knew then exactly what she was attempting to convey.  However, it is so true, that godly understanding only comes from Him (Prov. 2:6).

Shortly after the age of thirty-six (36), I experienced a wonderful apostolic stirring and call of the Lord.  During and after that same period, the Lord blessed me to increasingly grow and develop further in the knowledge of Him and also placed me with another church where I learned much.  I later enrolled in select courses at a local bible college and in October 2009, published this website.

The Lord has dearly kept and taught me all of these years since the time of my final renewal in the faith at the age of twenty-three.  What a wonderful fulfilling journey.  I believe that to live on this earth and not know true life is a devastating tragedy.  In such a state, one misses what everything is actually all about - that is, Jesus Christ and eternal glory and praise in Him.  How gracious the Lord has been to allow me several opportunities early on for insight into His loving way as my Father and God!  I sincerely thank Him for not treating me as I did him, but instead causing me to finally see - despite my denial and early fighting against such goodness.  What loving kindness and patience in that He always only wanted to do me good and give me the very best of everything, which is truly His great and mighty Son the Lord Jesus Christ.  He reigns!  Glory, praise, and honor to Him always and forever and ever!

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